My Hole

For years I've heard this propaganda about "getting rid of your hole". You're suppose to fill it with activities, and hobbies until there's no space left for that feeling of emptiness. It seems like we've become a society that's obsessed with "fixing" ourselves, and in the process we've allowed awareness to fall to the way side.

Loneliness is a natural feeling. As human beings, we are at our core, social creatures. There's nothing wrong with having the desire to share your journey with another person. Somehow this myth of "self reliance" has been perpetuated to the point that many of us who are single, feel shamed for admitting our feelings on the subject.

We're supposed to be well adjusted, successful people who aren't at all looking for someone else. It's just a happy coincidence if we happen to meet someone we care enough about to form a relationship with.

I'm not convinced that having these kinds of feeling means that there's something wrong with me. I'm not interested in filling up or removing "my hole". That would be about as foolish as removing pain receptors from my body. Pain is a form of language that our body interprets to keep us informed, alert, and safe.

I'd much rather be hurt and aware than subconsciously unhappy but oblivious. I think I'll keep "my hole" and the difficulties it causes. As a servant, a huge part of my "life-goal" is to serve someone else. "My hole" is a constant reminder of that intention. It gives me the determination I need to keep getting back up each time I fall, and the love to piece my heart back together each time it gets broken.

Above all else, love yourself. The good, the bad, the ugly parts and even your "hole". It has a purpose, and can be just as much an ally as an enemy.