Sunday, November 8, 2015


I'm not sure how to begin this but I think it's a mental avenue worth trying to explain. As I go through my daily life I try to practice thoughtfulness and being non-judgmental. It's not an easy exercise, and I don't always succeed, but I make a conscious effort to try.

I want to start by drawing a correlation between two things that may seem completely separate. Most of us have embraced the notion that people should be allowed to live their lives as they choose. We support marriage equality, religious freedom, gender diversity, and alternative lifestyles.

These are all great things, even possibly a sign of an enlightened shift in our social consciousness. What concerns me though, is that we've overlooked the everyday judgements that we assign, as if those assessments are any different than the judgements that were once placed on those who fit into the above mentioned categories.

I'll use a simple example here to try make some sense of this. You're driving in your car and someone cuts you off. You have to slam on your breaks or swerve to avoid an accident. Either in your head, or possibly out loud you say something like "look at that idiot! They need to learn how to drive!"

In a matter of seconds you've accomplished a few things. You've assigned a judgement. You've made an assumption. You've created negativity for yourself, and most importantly, you've allowed your emotion to govern your thinking.

Keep in mind, I'm not saying emotions are bad. I'm not saying you should numb yourself to life, or agree with whatever another person does. The important part here is being "reactionary" instead of thoughtful.

I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling angry, but if we allow emotion to guide our reasoning, it tends to corrupt the data. Too, this whole process of feeling, thinking and acting leads to situations where rational decisions are forsaken due to the emotional overbalance.

You may be saying to yourself at this point, "There's nothing wrong with me. I'm a good person. I would never hurt someone else. Just because I get mad, or call someone stupid, that doesn't mean I'm a bad person."

I'm not here to debate good or bad. This isn't about morals or ethics. I'm just trying to illustrate how useful introspection and awareness can be. Further, I'm not ashamed to admit that societies acceptance of judgment and emotional based thinking makes me fearful for what our future might hold.

Public acts of violence have become an ever increasing trend. I'm not convinced that weapons and "violence on tv" are the only causes for such tragedies. All I can say, is that practicing being nonjudgmental has changed my life in more ways than I can count.

Since I started this journey, I've become a more compassionate person. Instead of viewing people who disagree with me, or live differently than I choose to as enemies, I am constantly reminded that they are struggling just like I am. I changed from being a nihilistic person who'd given up on things ever getting any better, and became someone who is passionate about trying to help others in whatever way I can.

The problem's that we're facing in this world are daunting. Together, we as a species might have some hope of surviving, adapting, and evolving, but being in a functional collective means letting go of our separateness and judgment.

If we as individuals, try to make a genuine effort to foster love and understanding, as opposed to judgment and cruelty, we might be able to make a small change in the microcosm. While one small change may not mean very much, thousands of small changes can be significant.

I encourage anyone who took the time to read this to challenge yourself and try to practice being nonjudgmental for a month. At the very least, test the theory and see what changes if any occur in the way you view yourself and the world.

You may find that nothing happens. you might decide that these words are nothing but the misguided ramblings of an old fool, but if you invest the effort, at least you tried. You made a decision to do something small in the hopes of making a difference.

My Hole

For years I've heard this propaganda about "getting rid of your hole". You're suppose to fill it with activities, and hobbies until there's no space left for that feeling of emptiness. It seems like we've become a society that's obsessed with "fixing" ourselves, and in the process we've allowed awareness to fall to the way side.

Loneliness is a natural feeling. As human beings, we are at our core, social creatures. There's nothing wrong with having the desire to share your journey with another person. Somehow this myth of "self reliance" has been perpetuated to the point that many of us who are single, feel shamed for admitting our feelings on the subject.

We're supposed to be well adjusted, successful people who aren't at all looking for someone else. It's just a happy coincidence if we happen to meet someone we care enough about to form a relationship with.

I'm not convinced that having these kinds of feeling means that there's something wrong with me. I'm not interested in filling up or removing "my hole". That would be about as foolish as removing pain receptors from my body. Pain is a form of language that our body interprets to keep us informed, alert, and safe.

I'd much rather be hurt and aware than subconsciously unhappy but oblivious. I think I'll keep "my hole" and the difficulties it causes. As a servant, a huge part of my "life-goal" is to serve someone else. "My hole" is a constant reminder of that intention. It gives me the determination I need to keep getting back up each time I fall, and the love to piece my heart back together each time it gets broken.

Above all else, love yourself. The good, the bad, the ugly parts and even your "hole". It has a purpose, and can be just as much an ally as an enemy.

Submissive, Slave, Identity, Illusion,

I've met some new and interesting people as of late. The notion occurred to me today, that it might be useful to try to write out some of my thoughts on D/s and my desired role within the dynamic.

Lets start off by saying that no one wants a robot. The idea of being a "perfect" servant is a fallacy. Even if one were to somehow, via strange occult rituals, manage to never break a rule or make a mistake, all you have is an empty vessel.

People want life, individuality and substance. That doesn't mean that you should be crazy, bratty, or selfish, just that it's important to hold onto your own identity even while in service.

Service is a huge undertaking. Make sure that you are willing to provide not only physical aspects but also awareness, integrity, honesty, sacrifice, empathy, patience and love to name a few. As a slave, your goal above all else is to serve and enhance the lives of your Owner.

This means bringing your own wisdom, knowledge and passion to the table. Be willing to push yourself, and devote every fiber of your being into the service itself as that's the requirement of the position.

Keep in mind, just as we stated above, that you are not a robot. You have to be attentive to your own needs, and be able to clearly communicate them when given the opportunity. Silence and misconception are killers in any kind of relationship, especially D/s.

Also, your Owner is not a robot either, well hopefully not at least. As such, they have their own needs that must be met, many of which lay outside the boundaries of D/s. Sometimes you will have to step outside of your own role, and be a partner instead of a follower.

Understand that everything is an illusion, especially most of the ideas you've formed about D/s. Don't expect ridiculous treatment, like being tied up in someones basement 24/7, or that your Owner lives in some kind of magickal latex suit and is dying to scene with you at any given moment.

Remember that despite what some famous author might have said, "We are all beautiful and unique snowflakes." Learn to love yourself, despite the flaws and issues that are there. That's not an excuse to be lazy, or to stop pushing yourself in a direction of growth. It's more an appreciation of who you've become so far, and the ground you've covered.

Ultimately service is just about sharing your journey with someone else, only in an alternative way. Mixing D/s with everyday life is a lot like Alchemy. Thankfully it's not some hollow pursuit like trying to make the philosophers stone, but more akin to a good bowl of chicken noodle soup. It takes attention, desire, lots of work, and maybe a little luck to get it just right.


Lets start by saying that like all things, this too is situational. It greatly depends upon the individuals involved and the kind of relationship that's being formed. Having said that, I think obedience is very important, especially so concerning M/s as opposed to D/s.

M/s is on a different level. There's more depth, and expectation involved when choosing to be a servant. Though it might be easy to mentally agree to this kind of arrangement, it's a totally different reality in practice.

On this I can speak with some experience. Years ago I served a local couple in this kind of capacity, and it was a lot more involved than I'd originally anticipated. often times, as a servant, you're put into situations where the expectations from your Owners are explicit, and there's not always a lot of reciprocation returned.

It can leave you feeling, unappreciated, overlooked, and confused, to say the very least. There were a lot of mitigating circumstances that interfered with the above mentioned relationship, but the important part is that I learned I actually had the capacity to serve instead of just submit.

The "rabbithole" gets a little deeper when you consider that at times rules need to be broken. I'm not talking about being bratty, or willful, but more importantly being mindful and sincere. You can offer very little to your Owner, if you just blindly follow their commands. Sometimes people, even amazing, dominant, sadistic, people make mistakes. Sometimes they need a little help, maybe just a penchant of wisdom.

It's not easy to cross that line. it goes against every fiber of your being to step outside the definition of what and who a "good" slave is suppose to be. When you choose to serve someone, you make a commitment to that person that goes deeper than just promising to do the dishes and balance the check book.

It's a promise to give every part of yourself willingly. It's an oath to do whatever you can to see that their needs are met, and that their lives are enhanced through your actions, words and thoughts.

Obviously I complicate everything, but the point here is that obedience isn't simple. It's not like showing up and punching a time clock, or promising to follow the rules and hoping everything will be okay.

You should expect a bumpy road, such is the way of life. Perfection is an illusion. I'd rather have something real and difficult with an Owner that makes my pulse quicken, than settle into something simple, where I'm just an accessory.